sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm bleeding and have questions
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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