He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
