16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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