My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
