Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
