Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
