I can tuck mytits in my pants
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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