I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
