Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
