I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
