He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
