Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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