If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
