Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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