I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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