you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize