he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
