You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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