3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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