she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we're so committed to being not committed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
