I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
