I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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