Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
