This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
