The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
