he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize