the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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