I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
