im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
