i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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