Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
