What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
