she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
