i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
