no more duck duck goose at the bar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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