I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
