I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
