Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
