did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
