When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
