thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
