Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
