ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
