i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
