the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
