One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
how does that bad decision feel?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
