there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
