I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
