Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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