I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
