walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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