I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
