just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize