I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
