Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
