I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
