i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
