You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
