Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
