Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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