Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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