You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
