Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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