After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
