super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
