im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
