once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
